I have a size-32 waist and six-pack abs. I’m fitter, stronger and healthier than I have ever been. But guess what: my BMI says that I’m considered overweight.

The BMI method looked at the ratio of my height and weight, gave a result of 27, and concluded that I am overweight. According to the results of the BMI table, my weight is causing me health risks. And in fact, I’m just a few kilograms short of being obese! Um … whatever.

After I picked myself up off the floor and managed to stop laughing, I had some time to think about the whole thing. Instead of finding it funny, I started to get pretty annoyed. I wasn’t offended, mind you; I’m annoyed for several other reasons, and I’ve managed to put three of them down in words.

The first thing I dislike about BMI is a tiny technical detail: it’s useless. Well, let me qualify that a bit: it’s useless to anyone who does more exercise than lifting a TV remote control. Basing an assessment of someone’s body based on the ratio of height to weight is oversimplifying things to the point of being idiotic. Body composition, in other words where that weight comes from, is ignored.

Here’s a little hint for whoever created the BMI method: muscles are heavy, genius! The BMI is misleading and, in my opinion, useless for people with athletic bodies. Using this method, someone like a world champion boxer or gymnast would be considered obese, never mind merely overweight. Sylvester Stallone, who is in better shape at 62 than most people with those digits reversed, would also be classed as obese.

This is also why I don’t believe in “ideal weight.” In fact, I don’t really believe in weighing myself at all. Muscle tissue is denser than fat tissue, so it’s possible to become heavier at the same time as one becomes trimmer and healthier. I believe that the waist measurement is a much better indicator than weight.

The second problem I have with this BMI and “ideal weight” stuff is how patronising it all is. It presumes that people are so stupid and incapable of thinking for themselves that they need some number or “index” to tell them if they are unhealthy or overweight. It implies that we are incapable of looking in the mirror and like, you know, actually seeing that there’s a problem. I’ve never liked the whole dumbing-down phenomenon that’s taking over our society, encouraging us to abdicate responsibility and control over our own lives. “Don’t worry about it. We know what’s best for you.” That type of nonsense. Things like BMI are just one symptom of that.

The final thing that I hate about BMI is actually something that proponents of it use as a defense. They often say things like: “The method is meant as a guide for the average person.” Again, my feelings here stem not from the BMI method itself, but from what it symbolizes. Why on earth would anyone want to be “average”?

I don’t know about you, but I can’t help thinking that average isn’t all that great. I’ve also noticed that many so-called “experts” who talk about BMI tend not to have impressive bodies themselves. They certainly don’t look like specimens of health, or anyone I would ever want to look like. In fact, I’m much happier to continue looking “overweight.”